So, before telling you what we think of the Sony Ericsson Jalou, why is it that we can confidently state that high fashion and small mobile communication devices don’t mix? Well, easy.

1.High fashion is about producing very low numbers of products (normally just one) using the very highest quality materials… Mobile phones are made in their millions. Out of plastic
2.Fashion’s dresses are worn by the most beautiful people in the world… Most people who buy phones are called Sharon and live in Essex
3.People who design clothes for the best labels are paid millions because they are truly, exceptionally talented… People who design phones aren’t, because they’re noticeable

We could go on, but that’s a point proved, we reckon. It’s not that the Jalou is all that a bad phone when it comes down to it. It’s average in terms of what going on inside, and is nice and dinky (have a little look at this Sony Ericsson Jalou review for a full run down of what’s on offer). It’s just that it’s so… well… so darned ugly. Like really, actually, truly, utterly hideous. It’s like if someone, for a laugh, decided to let Sloth from the Goonies onto a catwalk dressed in a fancy outfit and shouted, “look, look everyone, he’s amazing, he’s so gorgeous.” And everyone would point and laugh. But no matter how much the pointer shouted, no one would ever believe that he was gorgeous.

So there we have it. The Sony Ericsson Jalou = Sloth from the Goonies, in a dress. You heard it here first.