25
Sep
2009
Nokia Booklet 3G. Worst phone ever
What’s that? A 1.3MP camera, are you havin’ a bubble bath? And weighing 1250g? That’s obscene. That’s like the Johnny Vegas. A ten inch screen? Fair enough, better than an iPhone. But what about… oh… wait… right… we seeeeee.
Ladies and gentlefolk: this ain’t no phone. This is, excitingly, Nokia’s first ever foray into the real mobile computing world (not the fake mobile computing that phone manufacturers claim just because their phones can just about log on to a Gmail account). Step forward the Nokia Booklet 3G. And boy, is it a mighty step. This thing isn’t just good, isn’t just pretty decent (as so many Nokia phones are), this thing is drop dead fantastic.
The physical design of the thing is just stunning. So many netbooks are being chucked towards the market these days that people seem to have lost all regard for making the things look anything better than kids toys. Not this thing. With its aluminium finish, glass screen and curves to die for, you can be as confident pulling this thing out of your bag as you would a Sony Vaio. It really does look that good.
Then there’s the Nokia 3G Booklet‘s innards… 3G, on a laptop? Yes please. And some A-GPS to work with the pre-installed Ovi Maps? I should say so. A little WiFi. A sprinking of the all-new Windows 7… it’s got it all, and it’s got a lot, lot more (just check out the official page for a full spec-check).
So there we have it. You might be sceptical, you might think Nokia would be better of working on some more mind blowing phones, but we say: forget all that. This thing rocks, this thing needs to be bought, and this thing will make you very happy indeed if you agree with us.
Check out this Nokia Booklet 3G review for some similar thinking, or just have a little look at the video below.
22
Sep
2009
Nokia N900. Disengage the cynicism
Videos by Nokia…bah, grrr, annoying… such poor quality… darn it and so on… why can’t they just spend some money… grumble grumble…
Or at least, that’s how a blog like this would normally go. You know the pattern well enough by now. Nokia release a new phone that is at least worthy of our attention, if not actually really good, then we go about bringing you news of it, and in so doing want to show you a video to back up the cesspool of our words. Then all we can find is one of those terrible self-made videos that Nokia seem to painfully adept at creating. Then we post it anyway, having lost the will to live, let alone the will to search any deeper for an even half decent video. Then we grumble, complain and generally bring you down about said video and Nokia’s idiocy.
Then we have the N900, and the video below. So we found it, tutted, clicked play, tutted some more. Swore at the screen a little bit as those ridiculously trying-to-be-trendy Finns started prattling on about this and that. But… but then, something magical happened: they showed us the phone in action. And we paused, mid swear. Fair enough, we didn’t believe that these people were suddenly cool (far from it), we didn’t think that Nokia had actually made a deceptively interesting video (far, far from it), but… the phone… The Nokia N900… just look at it!
Powered by the Maemo operating system, the Linux-based thing that’s been powering Nokia’s so-called internet tablets for a while now, it maybe shouldn’t be such a surprise that thing works so well. Even less so given the up-to-1GB of processing power that the phone can allocate to juggling multitasking applications. Or the up-to 48GB of storage space. Or the… well, or the everything else. Because as this Nokia N900 review, or as a look at the official stats will show you, this thing is just plain brilliant. Like, **** hot brilliant.
And when a phone is this good, hell, who needs a decent video.
21
Sep
2009
Nokia 5230. Special videos by special people
Nokia’s promotional videos… is there anything they can’t do?
Well, short answer: yes, lots. Succeed; make their products look good; have a soundtrack that doesn’t make deafness an attractive life choice; have any kind of narrative; not feature someone with weird hands; not have annoying, inane titling; be watchable in any way, shape or form: these are all the things that Nokia’s promotional videos can’t do.
But now we can add another thing to the list that their videos have failed to do, and this one’s a cracker. Because the video for the Nokia 5230 shows a phone actually failing. Not massively. The phone doesn’t explode and maim the handler, for example (though we’re expecting to see that one in the not too distant future). But if you have a little look at the video below, jump to 36 seconds in (don’t, for the love of god, make yourself sit through any more than that) you’ll see something. First you’ll see an ugly finger sweeping down the screen. Then, about a second later, that screen decides to scroll how it was supposed to. Huge, gaping, obvious, painful lag.
Now, being the generous kind hearted souls that you know we are (hey, no laughing at the back), we’re willing to consider the possibility that maybe this was a prototype. That the final Nokia 5230 wouldn’t have any such lag and everything will be as smooth and streamlined and tra-la-la perfect as can be. But, even if this is the case, who in the hell made this video, who edited, which absolute tool didn’t watch that and think, you know what, maybe we should just re-record that bit where we make out product look ****ing terrible. You know? Maybe that might have been a good idea. Idiots.
And it is, in all honestly, a shame. Because the 5230 is a very decent phone for what it is. And what it is is a very affordable but still feature-packed touchscreen device, as this Nokia 5230 review, or this handy official page will reveal.
Just… seriously… Nokia… At least employ people who aren’t blind/retarded to make your videos. Please.
10
Sep
2009
Nokia 5800 Navigation Edition. Jeff Stelling: win!
Sometimes, celebrities do things they really, really shouldn’t. No – hang on – not like that. We all do things that we shouldn’t do sometimes. And fair enough celebs seem to do those things more often than most (‘what, you want to film us as we **** and ****** and I **** you in the **** – sure! That sounds like a great idea! And one that won’t ever come back to haunt me!’). But what we mean is when someone tries to be something they’re not.
Goldie being an actor: fail!
Kiera Knightly as a singer: fail!
Gordon Brown as a human who smiles: fail!
But sometimes, just sometimes, a celeb can pull it off. Jeff Stelling, for example. World’s greatest ever football match updater: without doubt. Jeff Stelling as Richard Whitely replacement on Countdown… hang on a minute! But look at that, he pulled it off with style. And style is a tricky thing to achieve on Countdown.
And so, seamlessly, we move on to the Nokia 5800 Navigation edition. A phone that first came to our attention as an XpressMusic all about the music nothing but the music music music choons banging speakers nice traxx mate innit yeah kind of phone and is now trying to reinvent itself as a phone that is all about navigation and route planning. A bit of a shift, as we’re sure you’ll agree. But the good thing is, the Nokia 5800 Navigator edition pulls it off. Because with its pre-installed and lifetime-membereshipped access to the ful range of Nokia Maps turn-by-turn software, an in-box car cradle and charger, and that nice big screen, there really is no need to buy a standalone GPS unit.
So, what more can we say. Like driving? Get lost a lot? Need a new phone? Then go have a look at this Nokjia 5800 navigation review, than at the official page, then go buy this thing.
And we’ll have a consonant please, Fake New Carol With The Terrible Clothes.
8
Sep
2009
Nokia n97 mini. Small package, big loving
Size isn’t everything, as we’re told. And as we tell ourselves each and every day. Whether that’s your belly, you feet, your **** or your ********, it only takes a look in the mirror to spark that little phrase in your head.
Well, it’s true, of course. Size isn’t everything. But it does count for a hell of a lot, especially in the fickle world of mobile communications. Or phones, to us a slightly smaller description. And that, basically, is what you’ve got with the Nokia N97 Mini: the same thing as before, just in smaller package. There’s a couple of minor changes: the 32GB of internal storage has been bumped down to 8GB (though you can bump yourself back up to 24GB with a microSD card) and the keyboard’s been re-jiggered (technical term, you heard right) to make it smaller, the biggest loser being the d-pad which has been cast into, well, keyboard heaven, if such a place exists.
You may hear too some waffle about extra Facebook connectivity, some improved scrolling features, etc. and so on and so forth, but for all those tiny tweaks, little has really happened apart from that size shift with this ‘new’ Nokia N97.
so… well… there we have it. We could say we’re disappointed but that’s not really true… underwhelmed, perhaps, is more accurate. But then even that sounds harsh. As this Nokia N97 mini review shows, this is far from being a good phone. But perhaps Nokia could have done just a little bit more; just added a little bit more razzmatazz, a little more flair.
But hey ho, if you’ve been resisting getting the n97 because, well, it’s huge, then you’ll no doubt fall in the love with this little thing in no time at all. Get your greasy mitts on these Nokia N97 Mini deals, or have a little look at the rather flashy video below.
17
Aug
2009
Nokia 6760 Slide. Book your face
As things, inevitably and inexorably, progress in the world, new word and phrases are created in order to help us and our language deal with all the rapid change. Googling, for example, has entered the common vernacular as people have been swept away by the all-powerful search engine of modern times.
However, sometimes a word arrives that we think people are actually listening to as they say it. A word that, if people paused for a second and listened to what they were actually saying, they might just reconsider and choose another word. One such word that’s assaulted our ears recently has been Facebooking, something we’re reminded of as we’ve been taking a look at the Nokia 6760 slide. Because, as this review, or the details on these Nokia 6760 slide deals pages will attest to, this phone is all about all those social networking and instant messaging sites that all the kids are into these days. And one of those sites being Facebook, we’ve heard a lot of chatter about how this phone could make ‘Facebooking’ a little easier. And as soon as we heard it, as we were looking at these 6760 deals, we were suddenly leapt upon by many disturbing images. People being happy slapped in the face by the Bible. People hitting their noses against the collected works of Shakespeare in some kind of Jackass style self-hurt. And so on and so forth. Because, aside from the fact that Facebook is one of the worst company names ever, it works even less – far, far less – well as a verb, right?
Maybe it’s just us that finds it weird, who knows. Check out this Nokia 6760 review if you’ve not been scared off enough.
14
Aug
2009
Nokia 3720 Classic. From the face
If you’ll excuse our singing, then DE-NE-NER-NERR-DE-NE-NER-NERR-DE-NER-NER-NERR-NERR is one of the most annoying sets of notes ever, ever, ever put together. It is, of course, the famous Nokia tune / ringtone that is now synonymous the world over with phones ringing – and being answered – annoyingly and inappropriately. HELLO? YEAH, I’M IN THE LIBRARY. etc. and so on.
And now, thanks to the Nokia 3720 Classic, you can be certain to hear this sound in a whole lot more places thanks to the fact that this thing is about as tough, strong and long as, erm… wait, wrong analogy there, this thing is definitely not like toilet paper. This thing is about as robust, strong and downright hard as, well, as the most robust phone you can buy.
So, previously thought the ocean or a pool was a place of refuge from the world of mobile communications… you’re wrong, thanks to the Nokia 3720 being completely water-proof! Always kind of enjoyed your rough and tumble workplace because people wouldn’t dare getting there new handset crushed or full of dust… not anymore! Assumed that paintballing was not an activity you’d find disrupted by idiots speaking to their Pas… you guessed it. HELLO? YES? ANGIE, YEAH, IT’S ME. NO, IT’S OKAY, I’M BLEEDING FROM THE FACE A BIT, BUT I’M GLAD YOU CALLED…
So, with all out hearts: thanks Nokia. Thanks a whole ****ing lot.
Check out this Nokia 3720 review for a fuller list of where else this thing is going to ruin your lives, or click here for the official site.
3
Aug
2009
Nokia 6710 Navigator. Pub o’clock
In much the same way as a sand seller in a dessert might struggle to shift his merchandise, the new Nokia 6710 is going to fall a bit flat with people who don’t like to explore that much. So for all those of you who live in strange little towns with only a handful of pubs (the horror… the horror), then this might not be the phone for you, because as a glance at this Nokia 6710 review, or at The official Nokia page more than amply demonstrates (as does the name of the thing, thinking about it), the 6710 is all about navigation.
So if you can walk to all the places you walk and drive to all the places you ever drive with your eyes closed (legal note – don’t do this; or do, just don’t mention us in court), then you’re going to be left with nothing but an average – and to be honest, kind of ugly – mobile phone.
If, however, you are like us and find yourself in strange dark alleys and in dank pubs in cities and towns you can’t even remember the name of (normally thanks to your old friend rum), then the Nokia 6710 Navigator could be an absolute life saver. With Nokia maps 3.0, localised settings pre-installed and access to all sorts of fantastic information services hooked to the GPS and onboard compass, you’ll find it pretty hard to ever be lost again. Not only will this thing pinpoint you position in seconds, you can then use it to either plot a route home, find a local takeaway or mini-cab service, or for the really adventurous, point you in the direction of any local nightlife.
No more bulky A-Z’s in your back pocket, no more terrifying locals as you slur questions about where home, home, where my home gone, you my home, where my home? etc. and so on. Which means, surely, that we can be even more adventurous and drink even more rum and get even more lost. Hurrah! Now where did we leave the thing before we went to the toilet…
16
Jul
2009
Nokia 6700. So unspecial its special
When something works, as you all know, it’s best not to do all that much to change it. And Nokia have made a very smart move with the Nokia 6700 by doing just that. Because as you can well see, this phone’s an evolution of the 6300, one of the most popular phones Nokia have ever released. And, in our minds, one of the best phone’s ever released. And why is that, you asking with a tut? There was nothing ground-breaking about it, it didn’t bring the mobile consumer anything new or exciting or revolutionary. Well, as regular readers of this blog will know, the so-called revolutionary is exactly what we get sick to the hind teeth of here.
So many phones claim to be bringing us something revolutionary – what was it Sony Ericsson claimed recently for the Satio, “visual communication like never before”… – whereas all they’re doing is bringing out ever-so-slightly improved specs on the last iteration, or a slight improvement on the current sector leader. The Nokia 6700 classic makes no such claims. Even though it does have some pretty impressive specs for its size: a very decent camera, super fast HSDPA speeds, one of the best web browsers out there. (Have a look at Nokia’s official page or at this Nokia 6700 review for a fuller rundown of all the necessaries. And check out these Nokia 6700 deals). No, the 6700 does being us some very respectable stats. But this phone’s main feature, the reason you won’t be hearing fanfares or screaming adverts about this thing is about just that – it’s a phone for people who like respectable. Who want a fully functioning phone that they can slip in their pocket, use as and when necessary, then forget about in the meantime. Not a battery guzzling, superwidescreen flashing monster that scares the life out of babies and old children if you use it in their vicinity. And we like that. We like that a lot. Have a look at this suitably calm video for a sense of what we mean.
6
Jul
2009
Nokia E52. A lady of the night
Apart from on the seedy streets of Soho late on a Friday night, it’s not often that you get to say that ‘businesspeople get to have all the fun.’ But, in the world of mobile phones at least, that can sometimes seem the case. Take the new E52, for example. As with all the other handsets in the E-series, it’s a thing designed primarily for the business user, with its Mobile VPN capabilities, its Call Connect support, and other things we won’t bother to bore you with the details, you might be tempted just to yawn and move on.
But before you do, consider this: the Nokia E52 has a standby battery life of some 25 days. That’s days, not hours. It has a digital compass to go with its A-GPS, not to mention the more than cool Nokia Maps. It can film video. It has a 3.5mm audio jack for your favourite headphones. It has a dedicated camera key for one-shot picture-taking.
And aren’t these all things you wouldn’t necessarily associate with the suited amongst us? Maybe we’re just being prejudiced, but then if we are, then there’s a chance a lot of you might be too. But take this as a warning from us – just because the E52 is being released as being “business-oriented”, doesn’t mean that those of us whose only business takes place in the bathroom couldn’t get more than a little enjoyment out of it too. Check out a full list of all the specs and features in this Nokia E52 review, or have a look at this somewhat seedy little video below.
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